just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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