you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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