we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
