we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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