i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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