I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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