i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
