is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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