Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
