My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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