what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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