yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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