I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
