I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
