I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
