Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
