i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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