just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everyone says I win the strip club
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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