dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
