my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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