dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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