Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
