I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
