just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
