we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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