just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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