i would punch a child for taco bell
love makes seman taste better
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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