quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
