Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
