I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize