last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
