what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
