hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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