I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
