You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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