I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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