oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
