Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
