found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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