His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
