what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
