I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
