a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just gargled with NyQuil
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
