I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
