its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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