I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
