the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
