Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours

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(614): View more from Ohio

i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo

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(812): View more from Indiana

that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level

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(520): View more from Arizona

I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.

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(727): View more from Florida

You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?

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