i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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