you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
