its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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