I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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