Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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