He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
