I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
