Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
