I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
