yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
