Already got asked if we're dating
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
