i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
True strength comes from lack of pants
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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