I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
