She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
