he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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