There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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