the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
