Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
