It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
