I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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