I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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