No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can't motorboat a personality
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
