Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
