he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
