She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ladies don't puke and tell
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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