Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she smelled like a LAN party
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
