i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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