I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
