how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
