Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
