did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
