You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
