Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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