So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
