This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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