I am puke
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
