Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
