Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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