It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
