if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
