Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Randomize