So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
