Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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