I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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