you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
