I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
