Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
