I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
