i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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