suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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