saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
