So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize