allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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