I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i've created a new STD.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
