I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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