On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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