sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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