I puked a lego.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
