guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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