I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
